Tales of a single parent: Setting aside your dreams

As a few of you have noticed, I’ve been away. I’m stressed. Like, to the MAX stressed, and I just need to take a step back and do what’s right for my family. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not giving up the blog, I’m just taking a step back for a few weeks. I’m really just taking the pressure off of myself to post every single day. You’ll still see me blog, and definitely on facebook and twitter, but I’ll just blog every other day-ish. (Kind of like the last few weeks.)

My 16 yo was accepted onto a competitive baseball team WOOHOO, but that means a horrific game + practice schedule including several out of state games. 24 games in about 5 weeks. Um, yeeeeeeeeaaaaahh. And Jonesie starts soccer this week too. Don’t ask. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, but it’ll get done. Lest I forget, I have a full time job that just entered the most stressful time of year (planning for 2013) for which I will be traveling in the next five weeks as well.

What I hadn’t told anyone yet was that I had planned on going back to school. I hadn’t said anything yet because I was so proud and so, so excited I wanted to make it big news. I had already applied, was accepted and secured financial aid. I was going to do it. I figured if I had time to start and grow this blog, I could take classes too. And then…… J was taken on the team. And my dream is set aside. It’s not gone, it’s just not now.

I can’t do both. And this is a pivotal point in his life. This team puts him in front of college scouts and he is a junior in high school. How could I say no? It also came with a hefty price so I DID initially say no. And then a very good friend, an angel really, stepped in and offered to pay.

So J has a chance to make a name for himself and maybe pursue HIS dream of baseball. And Jonesie starts soccer and have I mentioned he is almost done with his own PTSD therapy? YAY! And my oldest is moving to the dorms next semester so this is probably his last few months at home. And I owe it to my kids to give them this chance. To push them. To support them. So that is what I will do.

And so in struggling with all of this “life” that has hit me it reminded me of this post that I wrote last year…

You do it until…

Last night I couldn’t sleep so I clicked on the tv and found Dr. Phil. The theme of the show was “Pursuing Your Dream” or something like that. Only it wasn’t really about following your dream, it was about being selfish.

The show featured two families. In one family the husband quit his job just after his wife had a premature baby. He QUIT HIS JOB while the baby was still in the NICU. He quit to pursue his dream. Only he had four of them. He wanted to be… 1. NFL player. 2. Piano player. 3. Documentarian (one who creates documentaries). 4. Professional body builder. I should mention that this guy is mid-30′s. He has tendonitis in his wrist – so of course he can’t play the piano for more than 15 minutes a day. He pulled a hamstring – so of course he can’t train for the NFL. He made one documentary which was a flop – so of course he’s given that up. And you got it, there was also something stopping him from becoming a body builder too. Maybe he had a sore thumb?

The second family featured a husband that was pursuing his dream of becoming a recording artist (or something like that). He spent the money for their utilities on RECORDING EQUIPMENT. His wife actually went to a public assistance place and they paid the water bill. (Don’t even get me started!)

There is nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams. I mean, I’d love to focus on this blog. I’d love to write a book. I’d love to finish my college education. I’d love to pursue photography. I’d love to volunteer and work with kids. I would love to do a million things, but the reality of the situation is that I can’t. I have bills to pay and kids to raise.

I have gone back to school twice. I write a blog instead of a book. I mess with photography as a hobby and, well, I volunteer to three awesome boys each and everyday. You can tell me that I could go back to school if I really wanted, but I choose to be a kick ass mom right now. I CHOOSE to support my family. I CHOOSE to allow my entire family happiness rather than just myself. Whenever did the option come in to play where you get a choice anyway?

The fact of the matter is that it is probably a rare instance that someone is living their dream, as unfortunate as it might be. There are 7 billion people in the world now, and I’d say a very small % actually LIVE THEIR DREAM.

I take part in bits and pieces of my dreams, but I am a single parent. I work a full-time job. I am a sports mom, and that means many hours of practice and games and workouts. I pay the bills. I am a cook. I am a maid. I am a plumber and an oven-fixer. I am good cop. I am bad cop. I am more than I have time to list here. And what I give to them, I take from me.

Kudos to Dr. Phil for putting these guys in their places; telling them to get jobs and SUPPORT THEIR FAMILIES! And he told them, “you get a job and support your family and then pursue your goals again, but fall behind in the supporting the family thing you go back to supporting your family”. He said “YOU DO IT UNTIL.”

It’s Family and Parenting 101; you don’t get to choose when you do it and certainly don’t get to add sand back into the hour glass. You do it until forever.