Earning money can be hard. Spending money is all too easy.
Luxury items aren’t really a luxury any more because everything seems attainable. And when I say everything seems attainable I mean that I see more Mercedes and Coach bags than ever. And can every third person in Colorado really afford an Audi? If they could there wouldn’t be so many damn houses in foreclosure!!
Even if we can’t afford luxury things, we can sure get our hands on them. Ahem, you know that credit card debt I’m still paying down.
There was a time in my life when I paid bills and bought groceries with a credit card because I had no other way. Even when I made $9 an hour I made too much money for any type of assistance. But I worked hard and eventually paid those off.
And then I made more money and I deserved nice things.
And then I built up more debt.
The problem with nothing being out of reach is that we somehow convince ourselves that we “deserve” everything we want. And because it’s over at the mall down the street, we can head over there and just pick it up.
I was living way beyond my means. If you are using a credit card, you are living beyond your means. There might be cases where you don’t have a choice that’s a little different, but that’s still living beyond your means.
And don’t EVEN try the whole “but I get super awesome travel points when I use my credit card” because I’ve been there. Done it.
Since I have become hyper-sensitive to paying cash and not using credit cards I see so many cases of people buying things they cannot afford. If you cannot pay all of your bills and the debt that you already have and have cash left over to pay cash for the item that you want then you cannot afford it.
“But, but, but I can borrow a couple hundred from my savings…”. Wrong again. If you do not have the cash left after paying your bills to buy something, even if it is just a pair of jeans, you cannot afford them.
It is tough to change the mindset of “I want and I CAN” to “I want, but I cannot afford”.
Speaking from experience this is one of the harder things in life to do but it only takes about two months to get in this habit. It is a hard two months, but after that two months is up those cravings and those “must haves” and those emotional purchases will be a thing of the past. If you are going to become financially “free” they HAVE TO BE a thing of the past.
You may even experience a fresh emotion called buyers remorse. I wrote a post about buyers remorse over here. Check it out. It’s important to know what it is, AND how to deal with it.
The other piece of this is emotional. We want nice, expensive things because they make us FEEL important and respected. We have friends that have nice things and go on fancy trips. But guess what? It’s okay not to have the money, and to say no and you need to be comfortable in that reality.
Honestly, I have gotten to the point where I almost feel powerful, and I see visions of Superwoman with her hands on her hips, cape waving in the wind, when I say I don’t have the money. It feels fabulous to be honest. It feels so freeing because I know that I’m not going to go home and have the whole “what the fuck did I just do?” conversation with myself behind closed doors and then try to figure out what comes next.
The emotional piece is inside you and cannot be fixed with anything tangible. It takes some soul searching and deep emotional digging. Like, digging to China deep.
The first step is to start saying NO. Say no to yourself. Say no to your friends. You cannot be something you truly are not. You can’t be a millionaire unless you actually have millions so stop acting like one. I just remembered this post Don’t spend money like you are a millionaire (even if you are one) that I wrote in March 2011 and I have to say YES! (Dang, I used to write some good stuff!)
You have to stick with your budget. And the #1 rule of budgeting is BILLS GET PAID FIRST! Here is an example of the budget sheet that I use. There are several tabs at the bottom. (You can check out this post on how to figure out how and what to budget.)
I have overcome the WANT vs NEED issue by being budget-minded. In this, I have found that I don’t really have to compromise what I want. What I have to compromise is how I get it. Using CASH.
I sell things on eBay to get cash. I use coupons. I save hundreds by using my piggy banks. I shop at TJ Maxx, Kohl’s, JCP, and buy all of our shoes at Famous Footwear and flip flops at Payless, but I get what I want and am still able to feel like a million bucks.
I have a $40 purse that I bought at Kohl’s and when people that are carrying Coach purses tell me how cute it is my inner frugal girl does a cartwheel in her Walmart jeans and cute Payless flops.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post. It’s hard to stay on budget even when things aren’t tight. I live in an area where people either make alot money or want people to think they do. I have to remember to stay within our means in an era when people are spending beyond their means. I have to say that it’s hard sometimes because they are spending on education courses to give their child an edge and it’s hard to watch because I want the same for my children. So I try to do what I can with what I am given. I buy used science textbooks so they can go over them in the summer and get a head start in their favorite courses. This summer we are going to work on staying within a certain budget and spend what we have and no more. It’s going to be a challenge for them but I will try to make it fun.
Hi,
I don’t even know you but I am so proud of you. I’m a mother and grandmother 52 years young and I’ve seen a lot, especially people spending to keep up with the Joneses. We, too, live in an affluent area and I see lots of fancy cars, SUVs, and Hummers up and down the road, in parking lots, and next door. You are doing the best thing for your child by teaching them to be frugal, to stay on a budget, and to work hard. It’s hard but very worthwhile. Like I said, I felt pride for you in reading your post. Keep up the good work!!
Great post.
I’ve combined the idea of spend what you have with the nonconsumer mentality — and my Target bill has been slashed by about 75%. I either do without, find something I already have that will do the job, or I find it used somewhere.
And, like you, I’m selling on ebay, just had a garage sale, getting rid of larger things on Craig’s List. It takes effort, but it can be done…and think of the legacy we’re handing down to our kids. It’s a responsible one.
Thing Two saved every penny he had for months (from Christmas until now) — allowance, Christmas money, extra money from odd jobs to buy a replacement basketball goal. He refused to buy it at Target (even though he had the money and WANTED it really really badly) until it went on sale. Saved himself $30 that way. Something tells me he’ll appreciate it more than if I had gone into credit card debt to buy it for him.
I LOVE this article, there have only been 2 times in the last 22 years I have been out of debt…once when we were in a court ordered debt reduction program, and right after my divorce was done. My ex had the attitude that he just had to “have” a visa…or an amex…it was a status symbol for him. I HATED going into debt for anything. It NEVER worked like you thought it would or like you told yourself that you would pay it off at the end of the month idea. Never. Worked. It is near impossible to convince people that they don’t need credit cards. In Canada they are just now starting to have the debit/credit card available. This is where you have a credit card tied to your bank account instead of just on credit. So for many up here, it has been..”I have to have the card to get a hotel room, or rent a car” The Credit card companies don’t care what you use the card for..they just “have” you when they issue the card. I LOVE being out of debt! Being a single mom is hard enough…I don’t need anything else to keep me awake at night, the stress of debt is debilitating. Great article, and I love your website. Thank You
Listen, Jill, I am sooooo glad I found this blog. I just love you and all your sensibilities and your approach to life. I appreciate all the work you put into sharing this wealth of information. Just wanted to tell you that you are AWESOME and I value you!!
I am frugal and thrifty by nature, and I love saving, which is why it is so darn difficult for me to say that we are currently living beyond our means. There are a lot of reasons for it. For one, we are in a house we bought in better times, before DH lost one job and before he lost the next job. He’s working, but it’s at $10.00 an hour. We’ve already refinanced, but insurance and taxes have gone up so fast, we’re practically back to where we were. It’s not at all an extravagant house, only 1400 sq ft, but in a good neighborhood which is important when you have a child.
There’s therapy for my son and the testing we are currently paying for to see if we can get some concrete information to make his public school to pay attention to some of the struggles he’s been having. He has ADHD which has severely impacted his executive functions. That’s also one of the reasons I don’t get a second job – homework consumes our evenings and weekends. The testing is almost $1,000. Then there’s Kung Fu, which I think is very positive for my son, and costs related to scouts and general school activities and fees.
We almost never go “out” to eat and we don’t order in. Sometimes we do go by Subway or occasionally regular fast food if we don’t have the time to go home and cook between activities. I just about never buy clothes and when I do it’s at the thrift store. I will soon be thrifting to find a cocktail dress for a command-performance work event this fall.
It’s so frustrating to be living frugally, yet feeling like I am getting further and further behind. I’ve started eBaying and have sold some stuff, but it feel so much like a drop in the bucket. DH is going to be starting a second job at $10.00 an hour, which could increase both in rate and hours over time.
This is a really great post. We all need reminders from time to time. I never thought I was an over spender until I lost my job. That was a real hard wake-up call for me. I did ebay a very long time ago and now you have inspired me to post a few things and see what happens. I have learned that no matter how hard you think you are cutting back on spending, saving your money or budgeting…there is always something else. It is a process and it is all about growth. In order to grow, we must keep on learning!
THis is a great post, Jill. I wish I was more frugal……I keep trying. Especially with groceries. I spend an average $135 per week for three of us. I would love to get it down to $75. Ive tried but by Wednesdays (I shop on Sat or SUn) we are OUT OF FOOD.