Today a friend and I were discussing life and how crazy my schedule is and will be for the next few weeks. We got onto the subject of this passed Saturday. J had two baseball games (9:00 and 3:45) and Jonesie had soccer at 10:30. And I went to all three.
I probably could’ve missed the 9:00 baseball game, slept in a little and enjoyed some breakfast. Or maybe missed the afternoon game since it was at such a random time. BUT we got up early! Jonesie and I caught most of the baseball game and then left to his soccer game. When J was done at his game he came to Jonesie’s soccer game. We went to lunch after, hung out at home and then went back to the field for the 3:45 game. Until Jonesie got popped in the mouth by a foul ball in a freak accident and then we missed the last 1/2 hour of the baseball game.
My friend said “you don’t have to go to every game, you know? When you just need some time it would be okay to not go.”
But, I don’t see it that way. I argued that I did have to go. I did have to be there. I couldn’t just sit at home because I was tired from a really long week while my boy was playing ball. No, the dust bunnies can have all their fun in my house until I get the time but I cannot sit at home because I’m tired.
And then I said “there are so many kids whose parents I never see. T pitched a no-hitter for four innings and his parents weren’t there. How sad for them. I don’t want to be the parent that isn’t present while my kid accomplishes things.”
No. I want to be there, I want to watch every minute because I know that I have very few years left. I’m just not willing to take that chance. I don’t ever want to be the parent that is never there. I just don’t. I think my kids deserve to be able to look back and see me there. Wherever they may be. I want to give that to them; give them ME.
My friend feeling like I put great pressure on myself because my schedule is so crazy, tried to reassure me and said “You are a great mom, you know that, right?” And yes, I do know that I am a great mom. But people don’t tell me I’m a great mom just because.
I earn it.
I wouldn’t be a great mom, though, if I didn’t do what I do. If I didn’t drag (yes, drag) myself out of bed early on a Saturday to watch my son’s baseball game. If I didn’t spend the weekend in Wyoming (for a baseball tournament) and come home on Sunday and change Monday night with my ex so that I can have Jonesie for one night before I am off to TX on Tuesday. Even if it means that our evening is soccer practice and rushed homework, dinner and shower. And we ended up having an awesome time together on Monday night. If I had taken the easy way out and left Jonesie at his dad’s and just sat back and had plenty of time to unpack and re-pack, LOOK at what I would have missed and I wouldn’t have seen Jonesie for a full seven days. No thanks.
I think being a single parent has pushed me to be a better parent. To be present. To be involved. Because in my older two boys’ lives – I am their only parent. And they deserve to have all of me.
And that’s where MY answer comes in……… “but look at what I do to BE a great mom.”