2013 is the year of me

by Jill Bender on January 18, 2013

2013 is the year of me1

Somewhere along the way in my life I lost myself. I think that’s normal at sometime in the course of parenthood though. You are “mom” or “dad”.

You become one with the label.

There is no escape.

I’m raising three children as a single mom. I work full time. I own a house. I pay the bills. I cook the meals. I could go on for a long time about what I do and who I am, but the truth of the matter is that unless you are a single parent you can’t really understand what it’s like. How hard it can be.

The fight that this life has required is just ridiculous and I’m ready to take back.

My kids are so well behaved and I relish in knowing that I am doing a good job. My #1 priority is and always will be my kids. I do what I do, and give up what I give up, for them.

But in trying to be everything to everyone 100% of the time I lost myself. And in losing myself I really was just giving everyone pieces of me.

That fractured person just isn’t good enough for me.

I am in the process of losing the last 20 lbs that I gained when life got sucky. (1/4 way there!)

I will get my hair done regularly. (Natalie is doing her happy dance right now.)

I will say no. (My kids are not doing a happy dance right now.)

I will be in control.

I will give more to those who have less.

I will go where I want to go.

I will put those skinny jeans and new boots on and rock the shit out of them.

When life gets screwy, I will take a deep breath and stand back up.

I didn’t say 2013 is the year for me, because it isn’t. I’m sure some kind of crap will sneak in and try to shake my resolve, but I’m not having it. We all have big hopes for the new year. Mine happened to be squashed on Jan 1 when we missed our flight, but hey… I got some great shots!

2013 is the year of me because I am going to put this puzzle back together. I am going to take the beaten down piece of me and match it with the confident woman piece. I’m going to match that tired mom piece with the calm and peaceful piece. That disorganized and disheveled piece will match with the pulled-together confident woman piece. The taxi mom piece will fit with the in control piece. And somehow, this puzzle of 2,000 pieces of me will fit together perfectly.

2013 is the year of me

What have you done for “me” lately?

(Bloggers, feel free to use the meme and post why 2013 is the year for you, please just link back to this post.)

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Shannon January 18, 2013 at

I think we should meet up one of these weekends and be friends. We have a lot in common. I am looking for me too this year. Back in therapy, reconnecting with friends, out of an unhealthy relationship. I need to get back to couponing too and I need a couponing friend! I am in Castle Rock.

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2 Jill January 19, 2013 at

Would love to meet with you! I need to set up a lunch or breakfast or… something.

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3 Chris January 19, 2013 at

Being a single Mom and raising my ten year old twins by myself since they were 4 I understand. You go girl!! And I will try too.

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4 Caroline Murphy January 19, 2013 at

I LOVE IT!!! I have felt the same enthusiasm! I love that you wrote them down! I think I’ll try that too! Good job!!! Your boys are very, very blessed!

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5 Jill January 19, 2013 at

Thanks Caroline. It feels good! I’d tried writing a ‘finding myself’ post for about 6 months and it just wasn’t happening – guess I was still lost. lol. I sat down yesterday afternoon and this one just spilled out onto the page.

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6 Carmen A January 19, 2013 at

I’m so loving every thing u are saying, especially this quote, “I will put those skinny jeans and new boots on and rock the shit out of them.” In 2011 I decided to change me. I joined Weight watchers & I’m 40lbs lighter, I started running & completed several races in 2012 & this year 2013 I cut my ponytail & donated it to Wigs for Kids. I too am a single mom, but my baby is now 20 years old, 3rd year in college & just a beautiful young lady. It’s always about our kids, being responsible individuals, working, paying bills & never time for ourseves. I was very happy I made those changes and I am wishing you a wonderful 2013 and hoping u have a blast in the process. Happy 2013.

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7 Jill January 19, 2013 at

Thank you Carmen! That quote you like means a lot to me because it’s all about self-esteem. I have those things now. I wear them now, but I have covered up and not felt good with them – just proof that “things” don’t change your life, right?! I have realized that it’s all on the inside and how I FEEL.

All of what you’ve done is an inspiration! I’m so inspired by your WW loss and running! My son and I did our first 5k last year and vowed to run it this year, which is in May. And donating your hair!?!? So awesome.

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8 Krystle(Baking Beauty) January 19, 2013 at

Sounds like you’re headed in the right direction this year! Rock those boots girl!

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9 Rebecca January 19, 2013 at

Girl….I love love love it! I feel your pain I am a single mom as well and we do loose who “we” are along the way. Good for you for- 2013 is “your” year!

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10 Jackie January 19, 2013 at

I am glad to hear that this is your year and that you’ll be taking more time for you! I know that you put so much of yourself into the boys, your job, and everything else but you.

I will be holding you to this!

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11 Kathleen Kennedy-Leon January 19, 2013 at

Good for you –get some focus on what’s important and like you said the puzzle pieces will fit together–you can only do you best each day and that’s that! Let us know how its going and best of luck!

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12 Marina January 20, 2013 at

I’ve begun to take better care of my health…the food I eat, exercising and just being healthy.

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13 Amanda Jillian January 20, 2013 at

Go you!

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14 Cinny January 20, 2013 at

Great post! Definitely escape the labels and be proud to be yourself! But it is nice to make some time for yourself.

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15 Elena January 21, 2013 at

Nodding my head yes, though I realize I need to take some me time to figure out what I will do for me this year :)

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16 Jill January 21, 2013 at

Heehee. So true!

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17 Emily @ Baby Dickey January 21, 2013 at

Love this! I’ve written a very similar post and I’ve seen the same idea from other moms… so you’re not alone! It is so easy to lose yourself and just become “mom.” Every once in awhile I have to stop and remind myself who else I am and what else I love to do… and then make myself to those things again! Even if it’s just sitting in silence (rare! ha) for 15 minutes with my favorite cup of coffee :)

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18 Mrs. Jen B January 22, 2013 at

Yes!!!! :) You know I love this!

Like it’s been said many times before: Take your oxygen first. You can’t help anyone else until you help yourself. You deserve it.

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19 Ellie Elise February 13, 2013 at

That hits the nail on the forehead right there – take your oxygen first! I LOVE that! It is so true. How can we take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves first?

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