Single Mom on a Budget

The sun is shining and grass turning green from the recent rain. I think I can hear it growing. Fluffy, white clouds move into position against the blue sky to form an abstract airplane. Or flying squirrel, maybe? It’s May and spring has arrived. So has Mother’s Day.

I contemplate.

No, not life.

Mother’s Day.

As a single mom, Mother’s Day has always been hard. Kids just don’t DO Mother’s Day on their own. Pre-teens and teens don’t anyway. Elementary schoolers at least make gifts at school still.

So I have contemplated for days how to write this post without bringing the walls. I’d planned to write it before Mother’s Day but I couldn’t hit publish.

I just want all of you single parents to know that it’s okay to feel that a part of Mother’s Day sucks. Because for single parents, it totally can. And it has nothing to do with being grateful OR ungrateful.

I am grateful every day of my life. I have amazing kids and I tell myself and everyone that listens on a daily basis.

I have a lot to be grateful for.

Even as a single mom.

Being a single mom has made me a better mom and I believe I have raised better kids for it. But I digress… I’ve said that in many a post.

When Mother’s Day comes around I don’t set expectations. I don’t tell them Mother’s Day is coming. I don’t tell them they better have breakfast made and their rooms cleaned. Pretty flowers picked from the neighbors yard… In fact, the only thing I asked is that they come down the stairs quietly in the morning rather than bounding down like a herd of cattle. Because they do. Sound like a herd of cattle.

What I have always hoped is that one of these days that I get to hear that my boys are thankful. Really thankful.

I mean, I know that I have raised three amazing kids that do not get everything they want and do chores for free each week and I know that they are thankful for the lessons I teach them each day.

They made me breakfast. Gave me flowers. I got a beautiful card and “prepaid coupon” for 16 hours of housecleaning from my boyfriend. And while J was at work Jonesie and I went and paid a visit to my oldest at work. I have A LOT to be thankful for.

But here’s the thing…

I JUST WANT TO HEAR IT.

I speak for a whole lot of single moms when I say that out loud. Nothing – NOTHING – can replace the feeling that those words bring to our hearts. Even though my boys hold doors and say thank you for dinner every single time we sit down at the table. Even though.

Mother’s Day is the one day where we allow ourselves to wander into the territory of miracles actually happening. I think even married moms probably do this too, but the difference for a single mom is that there isn’t another parent who is in charge of making sure this actually happens. Of making sure that breakfast gets made. Flowers get picked. The kitchen gets cleaned. Meaningful cards get written.

Like everything else in our lives, WE have to MAKE it happen.

I’d been texting Kimberly, who’d written a post of not reminding her teens AT ALL and hoping they’d come through, through the day. I could feel her anticipation (because I felt it myself). I reminded her that she had raised good kids and to hang in because they would “be back for her”. I made her promise to text me when they did. I got that text at 3:30 pm my time. And I smiled ear to ear for her.

Supporting others, and letting others support you helps in ways that you’ll never know if you don’t put it out there. What you give out always comes back.

Trust.

As mom, I make sure that my kids express their gratitude for others regularly. I make sure they know the effort, time and money thatothers put into them. Friends, teachers, anyone who gives them anything.

So….. I watch my kids dole out gratitude on a regular basis. Like, “I wouldn’t be where I am without you” type of gratitude. But *I* am never on the receiving end because it’s who I am. It’s my job as mom.

Tired of watching all of the glorious things women were posting from their “hubs” and kids on facebook I posted a pic of single parent reality. A picture of my kitchen after the boys made me breakfast. And left the mess. Then I took a shower and cried.

Just one time. Just one day. Just one meal.

Respect me enough.

And when I saw all of your support and many people thanking me for posting because many had already shed tears and expressed the same feeling I knew I’d done the right thing.

We deserve to give ourselves a moment to wallow in sadness, right? Because Lord knows we have very little time to do so on any other day.

So, to you, I want to say thank you.  Thank you for having the courage to be honest with yourself and others that there are just parts of Mother’s Day that are hard to swallow and that it is not always butterflies and rainbows for everyone. Owning that feeling and then moving forward from it helps you move forward in life.

Walk through the pain. Feel it. Acknowledge it. And leave it behind.

J, Jonesie and I went for a hike in the evening because I wanted to watch the sunset and put the “day” away. J got a photo of the little and I from behind walking down the trail holding hands. So I asked the little one to take a photo of J and I walking down the trail from the back and J said “do we have to hold hands?” I said “no” thinking that he’d probably rather die and he said “cause I’d totally do it.”

and we held hands

visiting my oldest at work

I did, by the way, HEAR what I wanted to hear at 9:15 PM (so miracles do happen). After the loooong, emotional, physical day and after we got home from our hike they gave me a card. That said exactly what I wanted so badly to hear.

That they are thankful for me and don’t know where they would be without me. And when tears fell J said “that’s when you know you write a good card.”

And that’s exactly why I do what I do. And endure the pain I endure. And cry in the shower. And look to the future. And know that my sacrifice is worth it.

I hope you’ll head over to facebook and read through all of our conversation yesterday. XOXO.

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